Yesterday we hosted the memorial of my friend, Carl Tuttle, at our church. Carl was world renown in the Vineyard movement and beyond, for writing worship songs that became standards in the Charismatic renewal of the 70's and 80's. Gifted with an ability to write simple, intimate choruses of adoration to God, they birthed a waved of contemporary worship around the world that accompanied the powerful ministry of John Wimber. His songs were anthems that breathed the Vineyard movement. Carl travelled with Wimber extensively, writing and recording albums that sold hundreds of thousands of units. When I am in the UK, I still hear stories of how powerful their conferences were, marked by Carl's worship, the Wimber's teaching and signs and wonders that followed them. Carl and his wife Sonya spent a season leading a church in Santa Maria, which Carl always told me was the happy time of their marriage and ministry. But after Wimber died afrom an aggressive form of cancer, they moved back down to Southern California for Carl take the role of senior pastor of the movements' flagship church, Anaheim Vineyard.
This was a large and famous church and Wimber's shoes were impossibly big to fill. Carl writes in his book, Reckless Mercy, that he did not have the structural integrity to cope with the pressure of it all. Tragically, he fell into harmful patterns of addiction, losing his marriage and eventually his ministry.
I first met Carl at one of our Sunday evening services. He had been literally and spiritually in the desert for 15 years. He was living out in Palm Springs painting houses and was a worship leader for hire out in a little church there. After a few subsequent connections he decided to move from the desert back to his old stomping ground in Orange County, to re-establish his painting business and join our church. There was no offer of ministry at all. Carl desperately desired restoration to God and his people, more than to ministry. I really got to know him when he painted our old house. It was a massive job to strip and re-paint a 110 year old house with lead paint. He gave me a great deal and didd a fine job! During that time I came to know a man carrying a huge weight of sorrow and regret, but who also had a fantastic sense of humor. He was easy to be around but I wondered whether his was genuine repentance or merely regret.
At this point Carl was persona non gratia in Vineyard circles and the rumors about his notoriety made me quite wary. The thing was though, I saw a genuine humility and contrition in Carl. He never asked for formal ministry. In fact, he was willing to leave a paying ministry gig to land at our church. (That right there is always a telling sign of genuine repentance. The other telling sign was that he was willing to go through our membership process. I remember a few ex-Vineyard people arriving at our church, partly because Carl was there, and grumbling to Carl about the formality of the process. Carl wouldn't tolerate it. He would reply, "Just look at us? You don't think us Vineyard people need a little bit of discipline in our lives?" He had a humorous candidness about him. Eventually he co-led one of our community groups and I can remember him leading one song on stage - but he never grasped for it. He was simply one of us, and he was deeply loved.
I remember calling Sonya, Carl's ex-wife, one day. I wanted to hear the truth about Carl from the person who had experienced him at his worst. She was amazing. She simply went through the list of rumors about him saying, "That and that is true, but that and that is not true. He never did that. don't believe them. she added that in all his ups an owns, he had always been a faithful and generous provider to her and the children." That clarity meant so much to me, and I am grateful to Sonya for refusing to bless the rumors, even though she had been the most hurt by Carl's actions.
One day Carl came to me and asked if I would help to mediate a meeting between him and Carol Wimber. I have written about this more extensively in my book Broken for Blessing. Carl carried 15 years of guilt and shame and he wanted to ask for Carol's forgiveness for his destructive actions towards her and the broader Vineyard family. Marvelously, Carol was quick to forgive him. She had had a dream around that time about welcoming back prodigal sons. I watched her from that day appeal to her church and broader family to welcome Carl back with mercy and love, which they did with open hearts. I realized that many had been offended on Carol's behalf. So, when they realized that she was no longer offended, they dropped their offense. It was marvelous to see. What I did not realize, is that this would mark the end of his time at Southlands Church. Carl loved us, but longed to be united back with the spiritual family that had formed him so deeply. How could I stand in the way of such a family reunion? He was restored to ministry in the Vineyard soon after that and spent a number of happy years co-pastoring a church in Costa Mesa and traveling as a speaker and worship leader.
But Carl's deepest longing was to be reconciled to his flesh and blood family. By God's mysterious grace, this happened. Carl moved to Colorado after a series of debilitating strokes. His ex-wife Sonya, nursed him until his death and he was surrounded by his children and grand children. Strange that it would take illness for this to take place. God moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform. Chatting briefly to Sonya yesterday, I could see that though they were not re-married, the reconciliation with Carl was deep and genuine. what a remarkable woman of grace she is to welcome her prodigal husband back like that.
I spoke briefly at the memorial about how Carl is more than a prodigal. Without underplaying the damage he caused to church, family and friends, Carl stands as a powerful model of reconciliation to us. For many of us, stuck in relational stalemates, we can learn from this humble, broken man, some powerful gospel lessons that will get us unstuck. I see 6 ways Carl pursued reconciliation that are a model for us to follow.
1.Carl owned what he could own without excuse. No blaming others for his sin. His sin was bigger in his eyes than the sin of those against him. He genuinely looked at the speck in his eye as more serious than the log in the other's eye. This is rare. We get stuck when we cry "Mercy!" for ourselves, and "Justice!" for those who have wronged us. That results in a relation stalemate.
2. Carl refused to play victim himself and make others villains. He knew it was more messy than that. Carl overlooked offense without bitterness saying he deserved it. When people would say terrible things about him he was not overly defensive. He didn't agree with them all, but he would shrug and say, "I kinda deserve it."
3. Carl extended much mercy because he had received it. Although he had a lot to repent of, he also forgave those who had wronged him, knowing Christ had forgiven him generously. He resisted offense like the plague. He uprooted bitterness and banished vindictiveness over time through repeated forgiveness and remembrance of God's kindness to him. He allowed God to vindicate him where he was not guilty.
4. He paid the price of reconciliation Carl knew that forgiveness was one thing, but reconciliation was another. It required the wronged party to desire relationship. I saw this happen over time in profound ways because he was willing to make restitution to those he had wronged. I saw this first of all with his ex-wife, Sonya. She told me personally that he was financially generous to her and their children. He was not into cheap grace. I think this is one reason why reconciliation was possible.
5. He treasured intimacy in his final years with those from whom he had been estranged. Carl longed to end his days with his spiritual family and his flesh and blood family, and God granted him his desires. He died surrounded by family and friendships that had spanned more than 5 decades. In the truest sense, he died a rich man.
6. He didn't waste the pain. He realized that some would not reconcile but he did what he could to live at peace with all people. He had this saying, "Don't waste the pain." He didn't expect his sin to be absolved in a pain free life. Instead, he lived with consequences, and learned from them. He was genuinely a softer, more humble, more grateful man at the end of his days.
I watched God break relational stalemate after stalemate in Carl's life. This is not primarily because of Carl. It is because Christ himself is our peace, having destroyed the dividing wall of hostility between those traditionally hostile to each other. (Ephesians 2:14) The reconciling power of the cross is what I want to magnify here, more than Carl's reconciling powers. But Carl was willing to navigate through the rubble of that hostile wall that Christ has broken down, and so must we if we are to enjoy reconciliation in our strained relationships. In this sense, Carl is more than a prodigal. He is a model of reconciliation, worthy of imitation.
